Better to come off as inconsistent or preachy? (Short story)

[ChrisMeds]

At social events, I'm often the only vegetarian/vegan. In both recent situations below, I could have likely handled it better. Improvement is a core part of humanism~

Despite being plant based for years, these days I don't have proper go-to statements when my diet inevitably is questioned (which is an opportunity to advance society toward sustainability and reduce animal suffering)... I dislike separating any people based on diet, don't have many veg friends, and like a challenge (such as navigating social traps). Maybe changing my responses based on the dramatically different people I talk to throws me off... But it's key to adapt, hmm...


-1) Recently when drinking with office coworkers and they order wings, while I order hummus, and they asked why I'm vegetarian:

The context is insecure 20-25 year old guys in Toronto. There are strong elements of 'bro culture' (where objectifying women, not admitting any flaws/weakness just deflecting and using ad homs, and perpetuating masculinity obsessed egos all occur a lot). There's pressure to act a certain way or face hostility/tension/awkwardness. Meat is traditionally tied to being manly. We're all pretty similar as young guys.

Two of the five have English as a second language and are less into closed mindedness. I'll refer to them as E (for esl), X for the very insecure fellow who was rude, and the other Westerners W were more understanding and chill.

Anyway after our food arrived and E softly asked why I'm vegetarian, I said it was because meat isn't sustainable and I mentioned some eco points. That went over well. (It's important to set up social situations to allow for ethical discussions; I try to be a helpful, friendly person always.) I didn't mention torture and slaughter are my main concerns. Then:
E: do you care if I eat this meat?
Me: no
X: I wouldn't care (about his concerns) anyway! (This guy is often childish and egotist)

So yeah, I evidently wanted to directly say that I oppose all meat eating, but I'm not sure it would have been received that well (can't jeopardize sensitive situations...). It's also implied by what I just had said... And the question itself faced backlash!

Hypothetically, I would hang out with people I dislike to help the cause. Luckily I enjoy that group's company for the most part.

-2) I'll keep this short but at an engagement party there was only fruit and chips for me, all else had meat. My limited options concerned some folks and my diet was questioned. Here's a highlight:
-hmm so are you vegetarian or vegan
-socially vegetarian, I don't mind, otherwise vegan
-so when you're out you ditch your morals? Lol
-*me not wanting to come off as preachy by explaining it helps the cause and that's more important than being a purist* *no reply*

I came off as inconsistent to him/them, although I've explained it to some ppl there beforehand. Ideally, one would not be inconsistent nor preachy, so how could I have spoken better? And hypothetically which bad option is better?

Feel free to provide tips on how I could better handle either situation. If I should mention certain info, try to let them relate to something, bring up that I used to eat meat, etc.

Much thanks!

[cornivore]

First ask them what they think. I think they ask because they want to tell you what they think about it. Why are you a vegetarian... why do you think? Are you vegan or vegetarian... what do you think? If they say I don't know... why don't you know? Because you didn't tell me... why didn't I tell you?

Or tell them you're a cornivore, and ask if they have any popcorn.

[brimstoneSalad]

Q: Do you care if I eat this meat?
A: If you mean is it going to ruin my dinner seeing it? No. But on a societal level I'm sure you'd agree that people need to eat less meat.

Q: hmm so are you vegetarian or vegan
A: 99% vegan. Nobody's perfect, the important thing is to do the best we can.

[ChrisMeds]

Q: Do you care if I eat this meat?
A: If you mean is it going to ruin my dinner seeing it? No. But on a societal level I'm sure you'd agree that people need to eat less meat.

Q: hmm so are you vegetarian or vegan
A: 99% vegan. Nobody's perfect*, the important thing is to do the best we can.

Well, I'm not sure I could have 'directly premise'd' to them that society needs to eat less meat. They don't even treat each other or women always with respect (members of our own species are generally easier to identify with and there are more moral norms there). And people with a short attention span aren't exactly candidates for moral discussions

For the second: i guess I wouldn't mind slightly lying* if it's for the greater good (if it counts toward like 1/10 positive interactions with vegans before they're more open to it). Acknowledging I'm not perfect might go a long way as vegans have a bad rep

-*Not sure if it was literally meant and feel free to disagree, but if me rarely being vegetarian socially helps reduce animal cruelty more than being a vegan purist by appealing more to meat eaters, then it's the correct choice, which is often the case imo. I have no problem at all being fully vegan. Most people can't even imagine not being impulsively driven and living for compassion imo; it's our Western lifestyle to be selfish addicted consumers... Women and minorities got rights recently; our species is pretty horrific historically. If I was more charismatic I could spin any situation and make friends out of foes regardless of differences, but I'm not that good lol. I think people need babysteps towards lifestyle changes, not something unbending coming off as intrusive... Idk

[esquizofrenico]

My experience is that you should not engage with this kind of people. They are not looking to have a serious discussion about the topic and whatever you do they will walk out of the conversation with either one of these two outcomes:
1) Yeah! I showed that fucking vegan!
2) That fucking preachy vegan! Who does he think he is? This is why everyone hates vegans.
Every single time, whatever you do. That "Do you mind if I eat meat?/I don't even care!" exchange is a clear sign of someone with no honest intentions. He starts asking a question, then acts as if you were the one being militant. This has happened to me a thousand times. You are in a barbecue eating your chickpeas and minding your own business, someone comes to you with a "Gotcha!" question and when you answer it he goes away telling you to stop trying to brain-wash him. I guarantee you that if he tells anyone about that conversation, the interpretation he will give is that you were trying to preach him and that he put you in your place.

Do not feed your pearls to swine and all. Your resources are limited and you need to use them in environments in which there is at least a small possibility of having some kind of impact.

[Jamie in Chile]

The not engaging with difficult people argument is harder in a group conversation. You still need to manage the difficult individual and stop them negatively effecting the conversation.

Conversations during food eating - at the table - are difficult - just give a hint like "I know the dirty secrets of the animal industry" or "ethical reasons" without giving detail about meat consumption. But tell them you will talk more about it later?