sorry if this is too verbose but it's my first chance getting to talk about my veganism.I was directed here by the description box of Unnatural Vegan's videos on youtube. I recently found her channel and, coupled with a desire to make vegan friends (I have literally none) and expand my knowledge, felt compelled to participate.
I was vegetarian for 9 years before going vegan at the beginning of 2018. I have a history of disordered eating with previous attempts at veganism motivated primarily by efforts to lose weight rather than ethics or morals. (This was basically a raw diet, not a diverse or balanced vegan diet.) I don't recall any "aha!" moment as being the catalyst for turning me vegetarian. It was just part of growing up and beginning to think for myself, getting outside the bubble of youth and familiarity that led me to understanding there was no difference between my domestic animals and the animals on my plate.
I am an extremely emotional person and so have purposefully avoided watching a lot of the documentaries/films that I see recommended by vegans. I'm scared, to be honest, of how affected I will be by the footage, or any more explicit information than I already know. (This makes me feel terrible to an extent, like I am so privileged as a human that I can turn away from the graphic horrors of factory farms and the like, and piously eat my plant-based meal while animals continue to suffer. I feel like I should "suffer" too by subjecting myself to images/films and let my emotions destroy me but I have a long history of mental illness and am terrified to knowingly go down that road.) And I don't feel like I need any more reasons to be vegan. I'm here ethically. I feel no desire, or temptation, to consume or use animal products. I recently saw someone mention the "what if you were stranded on a desert island and there was only a beef burger, no other sources of sustenance" query, and in my mind I thought, "guess I'll die then." As far as I'm concerned a beef burger isn't a form of sustenance. Animals aren't an option. I'm not condemning anyone who would choose survival, I just want to be clear about my personal feelings.
Like my turn to vegetarianism, my turn to veganism didn't have a specific catalyst, it was just a long-time coming. There was a growing feeling of hypocrisy whenever I ate yogurt or cheese, or bought hygiene products that were likely (definitely) tested on animals, and eventually the nagging feeling in my mind became overwhelming self-loathing and I had to ask myself, "why am I still doing this?" So I stopped doing "this" and started to feel a little better about myself. But because I pointedly avoid a lot of the hard facts it's difficult for me to say anything to anyone about my veganism.
A co-worker recently inquired about why I'm vegan and we had a small but interesting exchange. When I explained "I don't want to consume any sentient beings," he countered that he sees all life, including plant life, as sacred, and so obviously humans need to kill something in order to survive, so why are animals any different, it's a circle of life, it's all energy, etc etc. Maybe this sounds like old hat to veteran vegans and you've heard this many times before but I honestly hadn't and I didn't feel comfortable challenging his world view. Because I choose not to watch documentaries or read books about ethical veganism (although I innately consider myself an ethical vegan) I don't have the cold, hard facts with which to debate people. I feel very lacking and like a "bad" vegan. Although I've alleviated the personal quandary regarding consumption of animal products, I find myself unsatisfied because I can't compel others to consider adopting a similar lifestyle. I always said things like "I'm not one of those vegetarians/vegans," the stereotypical rabid vegan who is going to throw paint on a fur coat or publicly shame someone for eating a burger, but the feeling is there - not to throw paint, per se - but to help others see an animal's right to life. I feel like I've handicapped myself in this regard and hope to educate myself on this forum.
As I mentioned previously I have no vegan friends, only one who is vegetarian, and I've started to feel kind of lonely to be honest. Not just physically/emotionally but psychologically, if that makes sense. I feel alone with these very strong feelings I have. Veganism has become quite a defining part of who I am but it's something that no one around me is empathetic toward or wants to talk about.
Maybe this is a little dense for an intro but these are some of the things that have brought me here seeking a community. I hope to meet people who can challenge and educate me, and help me be a "better" vegan.
