Anxiety or guilt over what I say or don't say

[RanOverByATrain]

How do you get over it? With veganism, I have this issue where I feel like I have to say the right thing and I have to say it the right way, or it'll turn people away from veganism. It makes it look like I'm not confident and sometimes I don't have time to think of the right thing to say, so I don't say anything. It makes it look like I don't have an argument against what they said. I feel like I should bring it up again, but then I might look pushy and turn them away anyway!

When it comes to things like marijuana being legalized, I sound more confident because I don't particularly care if someone switches over or not. It's not the people's choice on what the government does anyway. Most people have been for legalization and pro choice for a while and Trump didn't get as many votes as Clinton. I just say whatever I feel like saying and I don't worry about it.

It's only with veganism and I don't know how to fix it.

[brimstoneSalad]

It might help to prepare and memorize some common responses and decide to say them ahead of time, so that the decision doesn't paralyze you.

You can post your ideas here for peer feedback on them first, so that might help increase your confidence in them.

[Jebus]

How do you get over it? With veganism, I have this issue where I feel like I have to say the right thing and I have to say it the right way, or it'll turn people away from veganism.

Given what's at stake, it's not weird or surprising that you feel like this.

I approach it the same way I approach all nerve-wrecking social situations: I pretend to be confident while not thinking about the consequences. This has worked well for me over the years and although I consider myself a natural introvert- most people who meet me think I am an extrovert.

[RanOverByATrain]

It might help to prepare and memorize some common responses and decide to say them ahead of time, so that the decision doesn't paralyze you.

You can post your ideas here for peer feedback on them first, so that might help increase your confidence in them.

I'm normally as passive as I can be, so I don't offend people and turn them off from veganism. But everything's just been building up over years from more than just veganism. I just feel like I have to always watch what I say and I'm tired of it. I have a resolution for 2020 to be more open. Most things aren't an issue, but I already don't like having to deal with the topic of veganism because it's more stressful.

I will admit I shouldn't have said what I said. I was just annoyed and everything's been building up for years. I didn't think before I said it. We were going to get Wendys. My sister wanted Mcdonalds and my mom said that I don't want Mcdonalds because I don't like Mcdonalds anymore to my sister. (I don't mind Mcdonalds but they don't have many options so I don't want it. My mom just keeps saying I don't like the foods I liked before, probably to keep from thinking about it) My sister made comments about vegan food being bad twice, saying Mcdonalds fries are better because they're not vegan, and was avoiding eye contact like she was being passive aggressive. She said something about how she just wants to be mean to me to my mom (like a playful mean) and I said that it wasn't me she's being mean to, it's the animals. Then they started saying that she's too much of a picky eater to go vegan, only vegetarian. (She only eats junk food like donuts, candy, cereal, poptarts, fries, chicken nuggets, burgers, stuff like that and only certain brands) She said what she likes has to do with textures and that she doesn't like when chicken is too stringy either. I was overthinking and couldn't decide on what to say and how to say it. Do I say you can get that with processed vegan food? Or do I not say that because they might say its too expensive? What if she tries to go vegan and feels sick because she doesn't eat the "right junk foods" (different junk foods still have different nutritional quantities) and blames veganism? Do I say vegetarianism is still a good goal to work toward? Do I not say that because I'm not sure that vegetarianism would be any better if you're just switching to dairy and egg products instead of meat? How do I phrase this and how do I act while I say it because I don't want to look like I'm trying to manipulate or be aggressive. I was also worrying that I shouldn't have said what I said too. They wouldn't have been happy no matter what I said though.

To be fair, that wasn't the right thing to say to start with. I'm just getting annoyed in general and I don't like that people act like I start things when I'm not the one who said anything first and I avoid talking about veganism in the first place. I don't like having to hide either. I want to be free. I wish I could just act however I want and say whatever I want like "normal" people do. Why am I one of the ones given this responsibility??? I realize it could be worse though.

How do you get over it? With veganism, I have this issue where I feel like I have to say the right thing and I have to say it the right way, or it'll turn people away from veganism.

Given what's at stake, it's not weird or surprising that you feel like this.

I approach it the same way I approach all nerve-wrecking social situations: I pretend to be confident while not thinking about the consequences. This has worked well for me over the years and although I consider myself a natural introvert- most people who meet me think I am an extrovert.

I'm not good at acting, but not thinking so much would help. A lot of problems I have could be helped by not worrying so much, but thinking more also helps me in other ways, so it can be hard to tell how much is too much.

[brimstoneSalad]

I don't think you said anything wrog.

She said what she likes has to do with textures and that she doesn't like when chicken is too stringy either. I was overthinking and couldn't decide on what to say and how to say it. Do I say you can get that with processed vegan food?

That would work.

Or do I not say that because they might say its too expensive?

Don't worry about a reply you haven't received yet. You can always drop it if you don't know how to reply.

What if she tries to go vegan and feels sick because she doesn't eat the "right junk foods" (different junk foods still have different nutritional quantities) and blames veganism?

Are you not able to give her advice on an ongoing basis?

Do I say vegetarianism is still a good goal to work toward?

That's fine too. People are more likely to succeed transitioning slowly anyway.

Do I not say that because I'm not sure that vegetarianism would be any better if you're just switching to dairy and egg products instead of meat?

It isn't worse. Typical estimates are that it's about 90% less harm (between SAD and veganism).
And she's more likely to go vegan later than if she keeps eating meat.

How do I phrase this and how do I act while I say it because I don't want to look like I'm trying to manipulate or be aggressive.

Just say it how you said it above.

You didn't say anything wrong from what I can see.