Philosophical Vegan Forum

I have been a pescovegetarian for more than a decade (I'm 40+ of age) and this year I have been struggling with my diet and animal ethical choices, in order to break my way to become a vegan. This said, and without going into details, my wife has been against my efforts - although she totally accept pescovegetarianism - and she seems to have no tolerance for me becoming a vegan. Need I say that my atheism is also a subject, which partly gives her a pseudo head ache.

My question follows: How should I approach my wife, in order to let her to realise the ethical importance of the issue, without falling into a fight of 'what ever you say is no good and I just feel it is wrong', which I usually hear when I try to have a decent conversation.

Thank you for your reply.

FYI > I live in the Scandinavia

Hi moppe, and welcome,

I'm glad you've joined us. I'll try to help if I can.

I'm sorry to say that, because she is religious, explaining rational ethics to her will be almost impossible. People who think morality comes from religion usually refuse to understand secular morality, and how it's based on reason.
It's like explaining evolution to a creationist- they don't want to believe it, and so, they will not listen to the reasoning.

Although you are doing this for moral reasons, your best option may be to approach it from a health perspective. If you show her evidence of fish contamination with heavy metals (which is a growing problem today) and other dangerous substances, she may be more willing to accept that you are no longer eating it.
Likewise, it's easy to demonstrate that dairy is unhealthy, and show how we can get all of the right vitamins and minerals.

Her ONLY business in your diet should be that you are healthy- and if you can show her how there is a sound health reason too, that should satisfy her as long as she respects and loves you.
If she is doing most of the cooking, you may also need to chip in more on that end (so she doesn't feel like she has to cook things that she doesn't want to cook).

But if you've shown her it is healthy, and you are doing your fair share of cooking, if she still does not respect your decision, then this is a more serious relationship issue.
It's your body, and your choice what you do and put into it. As long as you are not harming your health, she should respect your choices, which are based in your rational ethics.

If she does not respect your choices, I can only recommend visiting a relationship therapist/counselor together.
When a relationship is not built on respect, sometimes issues like this can come up to demonstrate that underlying problem.
If she is willing to work on it, and work to respect you more, it's possible to resolve the problem. She may have problems too, which therapy can help work out with both of you. Maybe she is not respecting you because she feels like you are not respecting her-- this is something that a therapist can help with. Often there are hidden reasons behind things, and bringing them to light can help with solutions.

Great answer. Thank you. I will this a deep thought.