Eating disorders and transitioning to veganism

[MorganAlix]

Hi everyone,

I would like to talk about this delicate topic. I suffer from bulimia since i was 15 (i'm now almost 29). When i became vegetarian 5 years ago, it didn't affect my eating disorder since i wasn't a great meat consumer anyway. Since last october, i'm transitioning to a vegan diet. I live in France and the vegan options are not easy found or cheap (there are some on organic chops for instance); I'm talking about convenient foods, and sugary foods (my nemesis).
This lack of options lead me sometimes to a state of anxiety, when i would like to eat some of these sugary foods, but i should'nt.

I try to heal my bulimia (i made great progress), and i know that if i restrict myself, it will end to some binge eating and purge. I try to listen more to my cravings, and not feel guilty if i eat some "bad" food (these foods are bad in my mind, not by themselves, but i can't help it, i have fear foods).
I try to take it easy and eat these foods when i want to. But as i said, my new veganism make this really difficult. When i "fail" and buy some non vegan products (because i can't bear anymore speculoos spread which is accidentally vegan (i don't know if you know this thing)), i feel really guilty: guilty because i ate this "bad" foods, AND guilty because these foods wasn't vegan and caused terrible harm to be produced. (It's typically cookies, or ice cream, or nutella...)

In one hand i would like to heal myself (which implies not restrict my diet), and on the other i want to be strictly vegan (because i'm driven by ethical reasons). It's uncomfortable.

If someone wants to discuss about this... (I would also like to talk about orthorexia, if anyone interrested)
(sorry for potentially bad english)

Thanks for reading this!

[brimstoneSalad]

Eating disorders are very difficult.

Do you purge? One thing that might help is to keep in mind a freegan and environmental attitude.

If you make the mistake to eat something bad, it's better to just keep it down and digest it instead of throwing up, because purging won't help and could harm the environment more. This may not end the cycle, but perhaps it could help prevent the most harmful part (to teeth, esophagus, and which could even be life threatening. This is kind of graphic, but an important risk to remember: http://www.2medusa.com/2008/09/bulimia- ... tures.html )

Beyond that, binge eating may be made worse by hunger. You said you often eat beans, which is good, but don't forget healthy fats.
Getting more protein and fat can help with satiation. Be sure you get enough calories for your height. If you don't, the hunger could cause you to over-eat later on bad foods. I know it's hard to overcome the habit and change your relationship with food.

I'm sorry to say I have very little to say on such a difficult topic. I hope somebody else will have better advice. The only thing I can suggest is to focus on eating enough and try to avoid purging, but I guess that's kind of obvious and not helpful (sorry).

Have you seen a professional about this?

[MorganAlix]

Thank you for your reply.

I used to purge a lot for years, but last months i manage to avoid it most of the time. I saw a gastroentorologist last year, and my esophagus is damadged. I could'nt stop complitely, but it was a wake-up call.

I learnt lately that getting enough protein and fat is important, so i try to make better nutritional choices. I help, even if the real issue is a psychological issue, not a physiological one. I binge eat when i feel anxious, or bored, or sometimes i really don't know why: it became a ritual.

I'm not currently in therapy, but i saw during the last 12 years 5 or 6 psychiatrists and psychologists (for bulimia, but also for depression). I should see a professional again, it always help, even if the major work is made by yourself. It's like an outloud introspection.

Thanks for the link... It's really disturbing.

[brimstoneSalad]

I'm glad to hear you're doing better.
I hope you'll start seeing a therapist again.

Definitely the purging is the most important thing to stop; you can always lose weight later if you're overweight (just make sure to watch your BMI so you don't become too skinny, a little heavier is better than too thin), but you can't get your esophagus back or recover from an exploded stomach, get new teeth, etc.

[cornivore]

(I would also like to talk about orthorexia, if anyone interrested)

Oh I hadn't heard of orthorexia ("a proposed eating disorder characterized by an excessive preoccupation with eating healthy food")... sort of sounds like an "order disorder" to me (perplexing).