How do I cope with the guilt?

[Red]

This is something that hasn't really bothered me much until now.

I've been thinking about all the times I've consumed meat; Of course, I even knew at the time that what I was eating once was a living thing that had a mother, a beating heart, a brain, and emotion. However, I never stopped to consider that I was responsible for the death of this once living being just for my benefits (which could've been easily satisfied with another, uncruel meal). That living thing died, just for me. It in all likelihood lived a pretty shitty, uncomfortable, painful life, just to fulfill this one purpose.

I've told @EquALLity about this, so I'll say it here; I've relapsed on more than a few occasions; Now I didn't go back to eating meat wholesale, it was more of a reducitarian diet (Vegan Before 6 type, and usually just one chicken breast). I only ate poultry since I was started to get disgusted by beef, and pigs I just couldn't eat, since they're the smartest of the current animals we breed. I felt more comfortable with poultry since, put blunt, chickens aren't very intelligent creatures compared to cows and pigs. But even taking that into account, the guilt still weighs on me, since they were still living beings.

I don't think I'll ever get over the weight of all those animals I've consumed, all that calf milk I've drank... I mean I'm sure the more I think about it the less I will worry about it I suppose, but I feel as though this guilt will be carried with me to my grave. Oh yeah, and another thing that bothers me is people who've been vegan longer than me and more consistently than me; they were able to see the ethical problems before me, and are better and more consistent with their values. But I suppose that's more of an insecurity thing.

I also don't understand how my family or anyone else has no qualms with eating meat; Do people not see the ethical concerns with it? Do they just not care? Does it not bother them?

[brimstoneSalad]

Feeling bad about that is an indication that you're a better person than you were. Just try to stick with it, but don't dwell on it so much that you get emotionally burnt out. Particularly right now that we're in the middle of a global pandemic.

What we can do is try to make up for the harm we've done. Let it motivate you.

[John]

brimstoneSalad has good advice.

If it helps you don’t know which had a shitty life and which didn’t.

Your family most likely don’t have ethical concern as their ethical values, while overlapping, likely don’t align with your’s.

For example if you found some way to source animals who have a good life and presented it as an alternative they might change even if it costs more. Decades ago free range eggs were in danger of extinction but awareness of the conditions of battery hens brought them back as what appears to be the most popular choice (together with barn laid).

However they may or may not adopt the ethics that make you vegan.

.... and looking at your post it was in Feb. By now things might be completely different for you.

[Red]

John, for future reference please edit posts that haven't been responded to yet, instead of creating new ones.

Your family most likely don’t have ethical concern as their ethical values, while overlapping, likely don’t align with your’s.

The thing is, their 'ethical values' are incorrect.

For example if you found some way to source animals who have a good life and presented it as an alternative they might change even if it costs more. Decades ago free range eggs were in danger of extinction but awareness of the conditions of battery hens brought them back as what appears to be the most popular choice (together with barn laid).

I'm kinda grossed out by eggs, but from what I know, 'free range' usually means a minimum of 5 minutes of being outside.

Consuming humanely raised meat may be better, but I don't think there's such a thing as 100% ethical meat. It's inherently inhumane to kill an animal who doesn't want to die without need.

However they may or may not adopt the ethics that make you vegan.

They don't seem to be likely to. My brother is a body builder who sticks to his strict diet, my mom has the 'You need to have at least a little meat' mentality, and my dad doesn't really care.